nullwert

Due to a comment on a previous post I decided to rewrite the text formerly titled Warum “Nullwert”? – see the link now titled Über/About “Nullwert”? at the top right of this site. It is also the reason for my writing the following in English.

Realizing that anyone stumbling upon this site for the first time has no simple way to find out what the heck this is all about, I decided to describe in more detail what the purpose of the site is and what personal history made me create it in the first place. That is why one and a halftwo hours ago I started to rewrite the page with the site description – and haven’t come very far.

The problem, you see, is this: I honestly still don’t know, what to make of my screwed-up past. I know of course all the facts, know what happened – that’s what I wrote my “Yearsbook”(sic) for some time ago. But it just doesn’t make much sense without some context, without giving some info what I make or made of these, well, facts. So I began to struggle with each sentence. Is that how I really felt? Is this truely why I did this or that? And: Was that my fault? Or “theirs”? Within minutes I came across any major question ever raised in any of my many therapy sessions. Questions I could not answer then – and will not be able to answer so easily in the very near future. What’s worse is, this realization made me first feel stupid, then angry, then it made me feel helpless.

Basically, what I want to say is this: Bear with me, it will take quite some time to figure out what and how I tell you about what led me to this point in life.